Jaune's Attempted Execution
by blaiseingfire
Summary: Jaune is captured by the White Fang and they execute him… at least they try to. It's harder than it looks. Based off a Monty Python skit.


So my internet was giving me issues and this wasn't properly uploaded the first time. Hopefully it's fixed.

This is based on a skit from Monty Python's 'The Cycling Tour'. Enjoy!

Disclaimer. I don't own RWBY or Monty Python's skits.

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Jaune sat in a cell, trying to contemplate how he got here. He was traveling around the outskirts of Minstral when he got lost. He saw two masked individuals in an alleyway and walked up to ask for directions, only for them to shout "Human!" and then bash him in the head with their rifles.

He later woke up, confused to find himself in a jail cell guarded by more masked individuals. When he asked what his crimes were, they responded with "Being human." It was illegal to be a human in these parts? He wish he'd know that earlier.

The jail door slams open and two more masked people dragged him out of the cell and marched him to a courtyard. Jaune couldn't help but smile and admire how nice they were by helping him out on this little exercise. They moved him by a wall before leaving him there.

Jaune took in his surroundings. It was a beautiful sunny day, the temperature was just right, birds were singing their lovely tunes, and their was a line of six of those masked people holding rifles standing in front him in a row. They must be soldiers out for target practice.

Jaune looked around but couldn't find the target. From his side, a rather large individual with a chainsaw strapped to his back walked up to him. Jaune thought he was a lumberjack, and it was weird to see one without a plaid shirt.

"Blindfold?" The masked lumberjack asked asked as he held one out for Jaune.

"No thank you," Jaune politely declined. Sure the place was a little run down but it wasn't too bad that he needed a blindfold. The lumberjack walked back to the line of armed individuals.

"Weapons ready," he ordered and his men complied. "Aim!" They aimed their weapons at Jaune, who was too busy staring at an ant to realize what was happening.

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait!" Another masked man shouted, drawing everyone's attention as he ran up to the lumberjack and handed him a piece of folded paper.

"It's a message from Adam," the lumberjack said as he unfolded it. "A message forwarded by Sienna Khan!" This drew everyone's interest, but made Jaune wonder who this person was. "It says… 'Carry on with the execution.' Ok then. Thank you." The messenger then ran off. "Any way, aim!"

The soldiers aimed their guns at Jaune. The smile from his face dropped as his brain finally processed what was happening. "Uh oh." He was really in for it now.

"Fire!" The guns roared as all six men pulled the triggers. Several moment of silence passed. The lumberjack stared at Jaune before turning to his men. "How could you miss?!" He shouted in confusion as the soldiers sheepishly lowered their rifles

"He moved." One of the soldier said in uncertain embarrassment.

"Unbelievable!. Just… just go and practice!" The soldiers walked away and the lumberjack went up to Jaune. "I'm terrible sorry about this. Would you mind waiting in your cell?"

"Um… sure." Jaune politely responded. Two masked men took Jaune and threw him back into his cell. Jaune sat on his bed idly as he listened to the gunshots of the soldiers practicing their aiming. The cell door opened and the two men from before dragged him out.

A few minutes later the door opened again and Jaune was thrown back in his cell by the lumberjack. "Next time…. definitely!" He said as he menacingly pointed a finger at Jaune and then left, slamming the door behind him shut.

Jaune eventually grew tired and fell asleep. His eyes slowly opened up and he saw that he was sitting on a chair in his backyard. "Oh thank heavens!" he shouted with glee. "It was only a dream."

"No," he turned to his right to see Pyrrha Nikos. "This is the dream," she said. "You're still in the cell." Jaune's vision faded and came back to see that he was lying on the bed in the jail cell.

"Aww," he moped in sadness. A minute later Jaune stood up as the lumberjack came back in holding a rifle like the soldiers were using.

"Ok, so I think we figured it out," he said. "It turns out this piece here was off and it was throwing off their aim." He said while motioning to a piece of metal on top of the gun.

"Uh, you're supposed to use this bit here," Jaune said while pointing to a bit further back.

"I thought you were supposed aim with this piece here?"

"No, the rear bit is the actual rear sight. If you aim with what ever that bit is, you won't hit anything." Jaune stated with a helpful smile.

"Oh. Thank you." He said as he lead Jaune out of his cell. "Hey guys, you're supposed to aim down this bit here!"

A few minutes later, the door to Jaune cell opened and Jaune was literally tossed in. He crashed against the wall and unto the floor. The lumberjack leaned against the wall while clutching one of his injured legs.

The lumberjack muttered something angrily at Jaune before turning around to leave. "How many more were injured?" Jaune heard him ask before he left. Jaune sat in his cell in silence and then he noticed something. A beam of light was coming from the door frame.

He walked up to the door and cheered when he realized that the door was left open. He pushed it open and strode out of the complex and back to Minstral. He found it weird that he didn't run into anybody on his way out.

The next day while walking through the streets, he couldn't help but over heard the townspeople talk about some dangerous criminal. Apparently, this man was captured by some terrorists, sabotaged their equipment, shot all of them in the leg, and then just walked out of custody.

"Wow, this lad sounds rather dangerous," Jaune said to himself. "I hope they catch him."

 **END**

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Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you have a good day.


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